“Keep your stupid hammer!” Anyone who has read Watzlawik will smile at this line. Reality is shaped by the sum of our thoughts and becomes our very own reality. Each of us decides for ourselves what we want to experience and how.
If only it were that simple…
Children have the remarkable ability to usually perceive people for who they really are. They intuitively sense whether someone is good or bad. They are natural face readers. Well, actually… Unfortunately, this “innate” gift is weaned out of us as we grow up. We’re told to “look friendly” or even “smile”—even when we don’t feel like it, which inevitably leads to us no longer being able to tell whether someone is genuinely expressing their feelings or smiling “because that’s what’s expected.” We lose the ability to perceive and interpret a person’s true emotions.
The rest comes from TV, social media, and the like. All too often in my coaching sessions, I hear phrases that clearly seem plucked from a cheesy soap opera, as well as interpretations of life that seem to be based on how some Instagram influencer lives. We’re surrounded by illusory worlds. We can barely tell fake from real anymore. It could be true! Or could it?
We hear what we want to hear. We see what we want to see.
Selective perception has undoubtedly helped us evolve to where we are today. Were we hungry? We focused our attention on “food”! Did we want to get our family from point A to point B? We focused on potential dangers! In both cases, it would have been counterproductive to pay attention to the beautiful trees, the gorgeous flowers, and the stunning sunset. We wouldn’t have survived!
Unfortunately, however, we now focus only on our perceptions and feelings and no longer on facts. When our focus is on the “negative,” we will only notice negative headlines and statements—or perceive them as such—even if some of those statements may not have been intended that way or may not even be true. We interpret things based on our emotional state. An “outside perspective” could make such a difference and would be infinitely valuable and helpful. But unfortunately, we believe that only our reality is real.
Silvia Nussbaumer